My Immortal
by Jecir
Summary: Prequel to "Incomplete" and "Here Without You." Mamoru struggles with unanswered questions as new memories surface that cast the past in a new light. How will he cope when he is the only one who mourns for traitors?
1. Chapter 1

AN: Here is the Prequel to "Incomplete" and "Here Without You." I wrote this on a whim. I started it not too long after "Here Without You" but did not get very far. But, tonight, I left like finishing. So, I do hope you enjoy.

My Immortal

Chapter One

By: Jecir

"I'm worried," Usagi confessed. She stared into her steaming coffee, idly stirring in the cream and sugar as she pondered her predicament. Her confession was one she had been holding in since returning from her honeymoon. At first, she thought it was nothing. She and Mamoru were still getting used to living together. Strange and new quirks were bound to come up. But, as time passed, this quirk kept occurring, and unlike the other issues and nuisances that arose due to married life, this was something her Mamo-chan did not want to talk about.

And what made it worse was she was not entirely certain what it was she was so worried about. But she knew that there was something hurting him. So why wouldn't he tell her? "I don't know guys," she said finally. "I know something is wrong, but he just won't tell me."

"Maybe he's just coping," Makoto suggested. She took a sip of her latte and continued. "I mean, we've all had a lot to deal with lately, what with the resurfacing of these memories."

"But I haven't had that much trouble," Usagi countered.

"You wouldn't," Rei snorted. "Most of what was revealed had nothing really to do with you." There was a twinge of bitterness in her voice as she spoke. "I mean, _you_ didn't know them very well."

"I knew them!" Usagi defended.

"How well?" Makoto asked.

Usagi fell silent, knowing the answer. Yes, they had recently received some new memories concerning the Silver Millennium, but most of it was still blurred and tangled. So little was revealed, at least to her. The others had told her a few things, like how they had known Beryl's Generals before they were evil and how they might have been allies at one point, but they said little else. Mamoru, on the other had, refused to speak of it at all. Whenever she or the others mention the Shittenou, he would go silent, distant, and would leave the conversation all together. It was that silence that was worrying her.

"Just give him some time," Makoto suggested. "I know I don't really have room to talk, since I wasn't a scout when…" She bit her lip, trying to say his name. "When Nephrite attacked, so I don't really know what you guys are feeling, but I'm sure he'll come around. Guys just need their space, right?" She looked to Rei for support.

"Yeah, space," the fire priests growled.

Makoto bit back a groan. It was times like these that she wished Ami had not opted to go abroad or that Minako was not an international success currently on tour. They would have known how to help Usagi. Blowing at her bangs, she squeezed Usagi's arm and smiled. "Just wait. Soon enough, he'll be back to his old self, you'll see."

Usagi mustered the energy to return her smile. "Thanks, Mako-chan."

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Mamoru stood on the rooftop of his apartment complex, his eyes distant and sad as he gazed out over the city. Cars inched by in the midst of heavy afternoon traffic, honking loudly and breaking the peace of the coming evening. He closed his eyes, hoping to drown out the noise. Tonight was a full moon. He could feel it.

Oh, what he felt! Not the pull of the moon. Not the song of the stars. Not the call of the celestial to all the children of the millennium. No. He felt the call to run. He felt the earth pulsing around him. Wild. Untamed. Trapped. Like him. He wanted to run.

_"Hurry up!" Tanzanite hissed from the ground. "Before Kunzite wakes up!"_

_Endymion swallowed hard, trying not the look at the ground two stories beneath him. He gripped the rope made from sheets nervously. "Why could we not sneak out through the palace?" he asked again._

_"Because!" Jadeite insisted from the window. "The moment you step outside your room, Kunzite wakes up! You know that! This is the only way to get out without him knowing. Now," He grabbed the rope and shook it. "Hurry up!"_

_Endymion yelped as his grip slipped. He saw Jadeite's eyes widen just as he began to fall. He closed his eyes, waiting to hit._

_A familiar magic wrapped around him, slowing his descent and placing him safely on the ground. Tanzanite helped him up. "That was close," he breathed as he checked the young Prince of any injuries. _

_Nephrite leaned out the window with slanted brows. "I only agreed to this because you said it would be safe," he said to Jadeite. _

_"And it will be," Jadeite said as he grabbed the rope. "Endymion is fine because you were here to save him. So, do not worry, great seer, we are all safe with you around." With that, he repelled down the palace wall. _

_Nephrite rolled his eyes and jumped after them. He landed softly as if he had been psychically flying all of his life instead of the one day. The four friends stealthfully made their way to the stables. Tonight was going to be a great night! Riding out into the woods under the full moon with no guards and no advisers and no Kunzite to put a damper on their fun. Tonight was their night._

_They hurried into the stable where their horses were already saddled and waiting for them._

_"Good thinking, Jadeite!" Endymion said as he grabbed the reins of his stead. _

_Jadeite was not so eager. "I did not plan this. Neph?"_

_Nephrite shook his head. _

_"I know Tanzanite would not think this far ahead," Jadeite continued._

_"Hey!" The youngest among them pouted in indignation. _

_"Then who?" Endymion asked, suddenly not so excited to get into the saddle._

_"Me." _

_The four froze at the sound of the voice._

_Kunzite stepped out of the shadows; arms crossed and a frown darkening his face, he studied the four with hard eyes. "Where do you think you are going?" he inquired lightly._

_None wanted to answer. _

_Kunzite shook his head, sighed heavily, and then shot a reprimanding look to Jadeite. "Next time you plan to sneak out, do not be so obvious. I could tell you were planning something for days. And you," he turned onto Tanzanite, "Should not have encouraged him."_

_"Kunzite," Nephrite said, trying to intervene. _

_"And you," Kunzite cut him off. "I expected better from my second."_

_The three future Generals shrank under the young man's rebuke. He may only be twelve, but he sounded like an adult. _

_"Please, Kunzite," Endymion began. "We were just going for a ride."_

_"I know," Kunzite said as he disappeared back into the shadows. A moment later, he emerged sitting on a storm grey Arabian. "But you did not invite me. How rude." A smirk lit his face as they realized what he had done. Soon, they were all laughing. "Now, come. The night will not wait."_

And ride, they did. That night and every full moon afterward was theirs to play. It became a tradition they kept until…

Mamoru dropped his head, tears burning in his eyes as he remembered.

….until Jadeite disappeared.

He clutched his chest. It hurt so bad. Jadeite disappeared. He had not seen his friend again until this life, where they were enemies. He had tried to kill his dear friend. The tears carved familiar trails down his pale face as the guilt assaulted him. He had promised to keep him safe. He had promised! He had sworn not to let the darkness take his heart, and yet he had failed! He did not save Jadeite.

And Sailor Moon…

He bit his lip at the bitterness of his thoughts. Yes, Sailor Moon, Usagi, his Princess and wife, had killed Jadeite. It had been for the safety of the world. It had been! But it did not stop the pain nor did it stop the anger he felt when he looked at her. It did not stop the dark rage that burned at the edges of his mind when the Senshi would begin to reminisce about their lengthy battles against the Shittenou. The way they talked, as if the deaths of these great warriors were something to celebrate, drove him mad.

Mamoru turned away from the city and slumped to the rooftop. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his elbows upon them. He wished he could remember everything. There were so many things missing from his mind, so many things that did not make sense. Jadeite fell, yes, but what of the others? Kunzite had sworn never to leave his side. Nephrite would never have killed so recklessly. And Tanzanite…how did he become a girl? It did not make sense. None of it made sense.

As the sun began to set, Mamoru felt a loneliness descend that he had not felt since childhood. It was becoming a constant companion these days. And it drudged up memories that went even further back than the last days of Terra and the Moon, to a time when the Golden Throne still feared magic and the legend of the Shittenou was just that, a legend; one that was feared not loved. He remembered well the days he had spent wandering the palace halls alone wondering why he was not allowed to leave. His father had said it was for his own good. If he was to be a good king, he was to use his time wisely. Wisely meant studying politics, history, and law. He was not allowed to play, nor was he allowed to train as a warrior. That had been his life until his seventh year, when he ran from his tutors…

_Endymion laughed. He was free! Finally! He ran through the garden path leading away from the Palace. He had always wanted to explore the forest at the edge of the grounds. Now he could! Adama was in a meeting with his father. It would take hours before the Tutors could inform the High General of the Prince's escape. _

_Perhaps he would meet other boys his age in the woods. Perhaps they would teach him some games. Perhaps they would be his friends! He desperately hoped so. _

_The forest welcomed him with open arms. He ran off the beaten path. Branches slapped across his heaving chest as he ran and jumped and danced through the brush. It was all so new, so exciting, so…magical! He could almost hear the forest singing around him! This was, of course, ridiculous, because trees did not sing. But, he pretended that they could. And he listened well. _

_Something pulled him to the right. He followed the feeling. He wanted to get lost and never be found. Let someone else be the future king. He wanted friendship and grand adventures that would be recorded in the Books of Legend in the library. His Tutors and his Father had thought it a waste of time for him to read the tales of Kings of old, but Adama had let him barrow one once, saying that it was healthy for a boy to have an imagination to balance the knowledge. He said it would help him understand the Witches of the Sky, the mysterious neighbors of Terra. His Father called them the Enemy. Adama called them a legend. Endymion called them wonderful. _

_The Book had told him of a time before time when all magic was born of Terra and where the King held that power in a mythical Crystal that represented the purity of Magic on Terra. And surrounding the Kings were the Shittenou, four warriors chosen at birth by the Crystal and gifted with one-fifth of Terra's strongest magic. Their destiny was to protect the Golden King. Endymion wished upon every star that he could have Shittenou. But he would have to have magic in order to do that, and legend and history both assured him that magic had disappeared from Terra with the last great King during the Last Great Magical War, when King Damien lost his Shittenou and his life in order to defeat the Demon Lord Tulpa. Legend said that that was the day that Terra broke all relations with the rest of the planets and entered the first Age of Darkness. _

_The feeling pulled him forward, through a thick grove of trees and into a small courtyard filled with roses. A marble fountain bubbled in the center of the small, round courtyard. Endymion gasped in air, not realizing how tired he was until now. He trudged to the fountain, cupped his hands, and drank deeply of the crystal clear water. Once refreshed, he looked around, wondering where he was. _

_A small temple stood before him. It was made of white marble. Four columns guarded the front, and ancient script marked the entrance. Endymion stared at it in wonder. _

_The feeling urged him in._

_He swallowed against the sudden lump of fear forming in his throat. The sweat chilled on his skin as he took a tentative step forward. _

_"Prince!" General Adama grabbed his arm, breaking the spell._

_"Adama!" Endymion cried. A wave of anger grabbed him. He struggled against the iron grip of his father's guard. "Let go!"_

_"No." He pulled Endymion back into the woods. "You should not be here. It is not safe."_

_Endymion pulled harder the further they went. That feeling begged him to go back and see what was in the Temple. "Let go!" he pleaded. _

_"No!" Adama said again, this time forcing the boy around to face him. "That Temple is forbidden!" he said firmly. "None are allowed entrance. Ever. You understand me?"_

_Endymion looked away, his heart breaking though he did not know why. _

_Adama straightened. "You are to come back to the palace without fuse. Your father is worried."_

_"Yes sir," Endymion whispered. He obediently followed the General away, but in the back of his mind, he swore to come back._

"Mamoru?" Usagi's voice drew him out of his memories. "Are you up here?" She peered through the door leading onto the roof. She smiled in relief when she saw him. "There you are." Holding the door open, she said, "Dinner is ready."

Mamoru looked up at her. She looked so beautiful in the dying light of the sun. His heart ached with a mix of love and loathing. She had killed one of his closest friends. Did she realize that? The innocent worry in her eyes said that she did not, and a new wave of loathing took him, one aimed at himself for thinking so ill of such an innocent creature. She did not know the grave sin she had committed against him. And he vowed once more to never let her know.

Pushing off the ground, he followed her back to their apartment, hoping that for one more night, he could persuade her that he was all right.


	2. Chapter 2

My Immortal

Chapter Two

By: Jecir

_He ran through the woods, guided by the light of the moon and a feeling. He did not slow down as he broke through the grove. He did not slow down as he passed the fountain. He bounded up the stairs to the arched doorway that called to him. Then and only then did he stop. His hot breath came out in puffs before his sweaty face. His heart thundered in his chest. He did not have much time. Adama's guards would be here soon to drag him back. But, he would not be deterred. Squaring his shoulders, he walked forward into the unknown._

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Mamoru glared at the alarm clock, willing it to disintegrate. It remained where it stood and continued to blare at him. He finally stopped the irritating beeping with a hard slap that sent a sting through his arm. Rolling onto his back, he rubbed his eyes and willed himself to want to get up. He had an exam today. He needed to move.

But he wanted to return to his dream. It was the last remnant of memory before everything goes blank. Other than a few snippets here or there, his memories would pick back up upon the last few months of the Golden Kingdom, but something deep within him told him that the answers he sought were in the memories he did not have.

"Mamo-chan!" Usagi sang from the kitchen. "Breakfast is ready!"

Mamoru groaned again but sat up. He needed to put his game face on. He had an exam; Usagi had class. He would not see her for most of the day. Just assure her with a kiss that he was fine, and then he would have time to think. Changing quickly, he met his wife in the kitchen.

"Morning sleepy head," she beamed from the table.

Mamoru smiled back a genuine smile. He truly did love her. The sooner his memories returned, the sooner he could cope, and the sooner things could get back to normal.

But as he sat to enjoy his breakfast, a thought picked at the back of his mind. _How normal would life be without them?_ He tried to push the thought away. He had lived a perfectly normal—well, semi-normal—life without them thus far. Remembering would be no different. Right?

"Mamo-chan?"

"Hm?" He looked up into her wide blue eyes. Her magic brushed his mind. He pulled back abruptly and regretted it an instant later as the hurt flooded her eyes. She was simply saying hello. Their mental bond was a gift they had discovered on their honeymoon. It linked them on a level of intimacy that so few shared. And yet, he was closing himself off from her. If he let her touch his mind, she would see. She would know.

"Mamo-chan?" she whimpered.

"No," Mamoru said with a shake of his head. "Not now."

"But," she pushed on, unperturbed. "I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," he grumbled.

"No you're not," she said in a soft voice full of love and concern. It hurt and angered him to hear it. She reached across the table to take his hand. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong!" he snapped.

She pulled back in shock. He had never spoken to her in that tone before. Tears brimmed in her eyes. "What happened back then that is causing you so much pain?" she whispered.

He stood and turned away, unable to face her tears. Yet, even as he tried to escape, he could not stop the bitter words from escaping him. "Ask your Senshi. I'm sure they know." With that, he grabbed his bag and left.

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The exam blurred before his eyes. The questions were easy enough. He should have breezed through it. But he could not focus. Self-loathing and guilt occupied his thoughts, leaving the exam forgotten as he berated himself over and again for treating his wife so harshly.

He should not have been so cruel. But did she _have_ to keep prying? Why couldn't she just let him alone? It was none of her concern! The Shittenou had been _his_ men, not hers. He would not burden her with his pain over their betrayal. They betrayed _him_, not her, and not her Senshi. _No_, he corrected himself, _they betrayed the Senshi, too. _But even the Senshi did not know how deeply. He doodled in the margins of his test.

_"Boring!"_

_Endymion looked up from his book. Tanzanite was leaning back in his chair, his feet kicked up on the table and his pencil balancing across his nose. "Why do we have to know this stuff?"_

_Nephrite closed his book with a firm snap and sent an unseeing look at the youngest Shittenou. "If you wish to help advise Endymion in how to best introduce Terra into the Silver Millennium, you need to understand Interstellar Diplomacy."_

_"True, but these books are over thousands of years old," Jadeite pointed out. "They are grossly outdated."_

_"On the contrary," Nephrite said. "I personally updated these tomes with new information provided by the stars. We will be well prepared to enter the Silver Queen's Court once Endymion takes the throne."_

_"We may be ready, but the people will not be so willing," Kunzite mused from his place by the window. "The King himself is not pleased with our plan."_

_"The King will not be King forever," Nephrite reminded him. "And when he passes leadership to Endymion on his twenty-fifth sun cycle, as tradition dictates, Endymion will be allowed to follow through with his plan. And," he finished as he reopened his book, "We must be ready to stand by his side as equals to the Celestial Court."_

_Tanzanite rolled his eyes. "Understood. But…" He poked his book on the Mercury Royal Court. "It is still so very boring!"_

"Chiba-san!"

Mamoru looked up at his professor.

"The exam ends in twenty minutes. If you are finished day dreaming, perhaps you would like to attempt to finish?"

Mamoru flushed. "Gomen nasai, Sensei." Bowing his head, he forced his mind to focus on the basics of the cardiovascular system.

Twenty minutes later, he walked out of the room; his hand was numb and his mind was dead, but he had finished the test. Now he could focus on figuring out how to regain those final memories. And how best to make it up to Usako.

"Mamoru-kun." Makoto stood at a crossroads between departments. From the way she was stalking towards him, he assumed Usagi had called her. He took a deep breath and steeled his nerves for the lashing he was about to receive.

"Makoto-chan," he began.

"Don't even start with me!" she cut him off. "How could you be so mean? Usagi is really worried about you, you know!"

"Well, she shouldn't be," he said as he began to walk away.

True to her nature, Makoto stormed after him. "How can she not be?" she asked. "Look at you! Your brooding! You haven't brooded in forever! And I've never heard of you being cold before. Yeah, you guys fought, that's natural for a couple, but closing down communication is a marriage killer!"

The longer Makoto talked, the angrier he got. Everything she was saying was true. It was hurting his pride. But, what was worse, it was reminding him of a cold fact. Turning sharply, he leveled a steely gaze on her that froze the strongest Senshi in place. "At least she has _you guys_ to take care of her." Unlike him. He had no one but her.

Makoto blinked up at him, understanding dawning in her eyes. "Mamoru."

He stalked away. Her presence was reminding him of Nephrite.

But she caught his arm and forced him to turn back around. "They betrayed us, too, you know."

"Oh really?" he asked harshly. Leaning down into her face, he asked, "Did you fight Nephrite?"

Makoto leaned back. "No, but—"

"Did you try to kill him? Did he try to kill you?"

"No!" Makoto tried again.

"Then you have no idea what I'm feeling. So stay out of it." He shouldered his bag and stalked off. And this time, Makoto did not follow.

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He gripped the railing of the balcony. He had spent the entire day meditating in hopes of unlocking more of his memories but nothing had happened. The atmosphere of the apartment was no longer conducive to relaxed inner contemplation either, for Usagi had come home. He could not bring himself to face her, and she had not sought him out. The full moon was rising. He needed to escape.

Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the front door.

Usagi's quite voice stopped him. She was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a cup of tea in her hands and tears staining her face. She gazed at him for a long moment before saying, "You know I love you, right?"

The pain in her voice broke him. His shoulders sagged, and his eyes closed. He wanted so desperately to lower the barriers of his mind, to be consumed by the comforting light that was her soul, and let her embrace him as he cried. But he couldn't. He gripped the door handle as he struggled to reign in his emotions. "I know," he choked out. And then he left.

He broke onto the roof just as the tears broke from his eyes. Frustration, desperation, pain, and guilt all mixed in his heart as he breathed in the cold night air. "Please forgive me, Usako," he sobbed into the wind. "But I can't…I can't…"

How could he ask her to understand a pain he himself could not grasp? He was mourning the loss of four traitors. It did not matter that he had grown up with them. It did not matter that they had been his heart and soul long before she entered his life. It did not matter that he yearned for them even now. It did not matter. Not to them. They did not know. They did not understand.

They simply raged against them. Minako became famous off a song she wrote slandering Kunzite's memory! He could not forgive her for that. And Ami would talk of Zoicite—Tanzanite! His name was Tanzanite!—with such loathing for what she—he! What had Beryl done to his friend?—did to Ryo. Makoto was over protective and stubborn. Yes, she never faced Nephrite, but she joined the others none the less in ragging against them. And there was no asking Rei to understand. Of all the Senshi, she hated the most. Her hatred of Jadeite was unrivaled.

How could he ask Usagi to understand that though they were traitors, they were still _his_?

No, he would not ask it of her. He would discover the truth and mourn in silence and in solitude. Only he.

He could feel the power of the Golden Crystal pulsing in his heart. It was reacting to the call of the earth. It was reacting to the torrent within. Mamoru summoned the Crystal to his hands and stroked it lovingly. This was all he had left of his past. The golden gem glistened in the moonlight, drawing his gaze deep within. Just like the first time he had seen it.

And like that, the memory played on…

_He walked into the small Temple. He was not certain what to expect, but he did know that what he found was not what he had expected. At the far end of the Temple was a pedestal. And sitting atop the pedestal, bathed in moonlight flooding in from an opening in the ceiling, was a crystal. It was the crystal that was calling to him. _

_He walked further in, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be close to the Crystal. It was gold, he realized the closer he came. And it was warm. It's power pulsed through him in waves that filled his lonely heart. It whispered promises of friendship and adventure. It promised to fill his days with light. It promised to drive away the loneliness. _

_He reached for it. _

_"Prince Endymion?"_

_Endymion jerked back in shock to face the speaker. _

_A Priest in white and icy blue robes stared at him with surprise in his bronze eyes. A red teardrop marked his forehead, nearly hidden by his short white hair. _

Mamoru snapped out of the memory. "Helios?" he whispered. Of course! If anyone could help restore his memories of Terra, it would be the one being left alive from that era!

Closing his eyes, he summoned his powers and disappeared in a flash of gold.


	3. Chapter 3

My Immortal

Chapter Three

By: Jecir

_"You should not be here," Helios said, swiftly looking to make sure the Palace Guards were not near by. _

_"The Crystal called to me," Endymion countered boldly. Now that he had discovered the source of the calling, he refused to be separated from it. _

_A smile broke over the priest's face as he moved to block the child's view of pedestal. "It did, indeed," he whispered as if knowing that this would happen. "Quickly, Prince, away before the Guards arrive."_

_But Endymion did not move. "This is it, is it not?" he asked, gazing deep into the Crystal. "This is the Golden Crystal of legend." _

_The Crystal hummed and glowed in answer._

_Helios sighed heavily and shook his head, the smile still in place. He knew not to fight destiny. "Yes," he said, moving aside. "This is the Golden Crystal of King Damien and all the magical kings before him."_

_"But I thought the Crystal disappeared at the beginning of the first Dark Age," Endymion inquired with a curious look up at the white-haired Priest._

_Helios's smile brightened. "You have studied your legends."_

_Endymion nodded enthusiastically. "General Adama allowed me one Book of Legend."_

_The news did not seem to surprise Helios, for he whispered in a secretive tone, "Yes, I see. He could not give up his hope any more than you. Tell me, what else did the Book of Legend tell you?"_

_"That the Golden Crystal was the birthright of the Golden King," Endymion said as he gazed once more upon the object of myth and legend. His voice grew distant as he became lost in its beauty. "And that it was the heart of Terra's magic. The golden light of this Crystal was a beacon of peace seen throughout the universe. Even the Silver Queen's Imperial Crystal bowed in service to the Golden Crystal." He wanted so badly to touch it._

_"No truth more spoken," Helios said. "But did you know that the Crystal chooses its master?" Endymion looked up at him in shock and wonder. "I thought you might not." The Priest reached forward as he spoke. "Only a king pure in heart can wield the Crystal. Such a king would be indicated at birth by the glowing of the Crystal. Throughout the ages, firstborn sons would be passed over if their brothers or even sisters were shown to have a purer heart." He lifted the Crystal from its resting place. "The First Dark Ages descended when Kind Damien's only son and heir was not chosen. He grew in resentment against magic, and, when his father died, he set out to destroy all magic on Terra." His voice was filled with great sorrow as he spoke. "For centuries, the Crystal lay dormant, waiting for a pure ruler to be born."_

_"But," Endymion whispered as he reached a tentative hand out. "It is glowing now."_

_Helios nodded, the smile returning to his face and a light sparking in his eyes. "Indeed," he said. He knelt down. "The Crystal glowed again on a very special day." He lifted the Crystal to Endymion as he said, "On the day of your birth."_

_The Prince's young eyes widened as hope rose in his heart. "You mean?"_

_Helios nodded. "You have a pure heart. And the Crystal has chosen you to usher in a new era of magical prosperity upon Terra. If you accept."_

_Endymion reached for the Crystal with trembling hands. "I accept."_

_"Prince Endymion!" It was Adama. _

_Helios withdrew the Crystal into the sleeve of his robe as the High General, breathless, pulled Endymion back. "I warned you!" the High General scolded. "This Temple is forbidden!"_

_"Adama," Helios intervened, but the High General would have none of it._

_"You dare speak to me after what you have done!" Adama narrowed his eyes, anger and something more lacing his voice. Endymion almost thought it was…despair? "The King's decree was quite clear!"_

_Helios straightened. "I am aware of the King's wishes, but I do not abide by such a decree should it hinder Terra's destiny." He looked at Endymion. "The Crystal has chosen a new master."_

_Adama forced Endymion behind him. "That matters not! The King has decreed that Endymion remain untainted!"_

_Helios shook his head. "Adama, you know as well as I that that is not what will happen."_

_Adama's anger lost its edge as the High General looked down. "I will follow my King's command."_

_"Of course," the Priest soothed in a reminiscent tone. "You always have. But," Taking a step forward, Helios lowered his voice, "I still remember the boy who dreamed of one day being a Shittenou for the unchosen ruler of Terra."_

_Adama stiffened at his words. Endymion gazed up at him in astonishment. The High General looked lost for a moment before he squared his jaw. "Endymion is forbidden from entering this Temple. Is that clear?"_

_"If Endymion wishes to return on the nigh of his eighth solar cycle upon the rise of the full moon, that is his decision," Helios said with a wink to the future king. "But, as it is the wish of the King, I shall comply." He bowed low. "Good evening."_

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The rush of energy left Mamoru breathless as the memory concluded. The winds of Elysian swept past him in welcome. It was so rare of him to visit. Any other time, he would linger to breath in the smell of fresh wild flowers and watch the untouched land of dreams dance in the breeze. But not today. Nothing moved his heart today save one thing: truth. He would not leave until his memories were fully restored. Squaring his shoulders, he trotted across the green fields in search of the white-haired Priest who had introduced him to a destiny that still ruled his life even now.

Helios appeared from the Temple, still in tact after all these years, with a bow and a welcoming smile. "Master," he greeted.

Mamoru looked past him to the Temple that was now so familiar. The dawning of another memory rose before his eyes. "I came back," he whispered. "When I was eight, I came back."

He remembered that night. His father had declared his birthday a holiday and celebrated with a week of festivities leading up to a ball that was to last till midnight. If Endymion had chosen not to claim the Crystal that night, the magic growing inside of him would had vanished forever. That had been his father's hope.

Striding forward, Mamoru continued, "Adama tried to stop me, but…"

But he could not. The High General could not forget the dreams he had had as a child. He let Endymion go. A head start, he had called it, for he knew the King would send him after the boy.

And she had helped his escape. A girl with red hair and dark ruby eyes. A girl who understood his heart, his desire for magic, and wished him well on his journey ahead. A girl who would grow to betray him. A girl who would become the Queen who took it all away.

Coming back to himself, Mamoru climbed the stairs, pleading, "I need to know what happened next."

Helios stared in disbelief at his future king. He had sensed a releasing of memories through the flow of dreams and time, but he had not suspected that the past was advancing to this point. He had often wondered what he would do should Mamoru come to him for answers. Now, he had to be firm. "The memories," he said as he turned away. "need to grow on their own. To rush them would not be safe."

"Not safe?" Mamoru snapped. "How could it not be safe? Please, Helios, help me! I have these memories floating around in my head, bringing up unanswered questions that are driving me mad! Please! I need to know!" The heat left his voice as he said, "I need to know why they betrayed me."

Helios placed a comforting hand on his liege's shoulder. It pained him to see his master struggling so. But in time, he hoped the young man would understand. "I cannot help you," he whispered.

Mamoru refused to accept that answer. Pulling back, anger blazing in his eyes, he bellowed, "I order you to help me!"

Helios matched the strength of his anger with an equally strong calm. "I would if I were capable, sire, but it is not within my powers to aid you. The magic awaits you!"

"What?" Mamoru was taken aback by that.

He realized he had said too much. But it was not too late to rectify the situation. Perhaps if Mamoru knew, he would be less anxious to see the past restored. "The ability to restore your memories rests solely within you," he explained gently. "You have not fully awakened into your powers as King of Terra. When that happens, your memories will return in full."

Mamoru's shoulders sagged in despair. "Then I must wait for Crystal Tokyo? That is a full lifetime away!" He could not wait that long. He would lose himself. He would lose Usagi. The weight of his predicament sent him to his knees. He sat back against one of the columns, lost in frustration and despair. He could not make his powers grow any faster than they were. It was a lesson he had learned the hard way during the Silver Millennium. Had he been a fully realized King of Terra, his kingdom would not have fallen. Jadeite would not have been taken. His men would not have betrayed him! None of this would have happened if he had had the full might of his birthright. Tears burned in his eyes. He was losing everything again because he was not strong enough.

Helios watched Mamoru's mental anguish in silence. "Sire," he began, kneeling before the brooding young man. "If I may. You have a wonderful present and a glorious future. Why do you languish over the past?"

"My past is everything," Mamoru replied. "Everything I have done until now is because of the past. Searching for the Silver Imperial Crystal. Finding Usagi. Protecting the earth. I did it all because I was driven by my past." He looked up at his adviser and friend. "Through it all, I found it unfair. Usagi was rewarded for her bravery by regaining her dearest and closest friends. And though I will love her for the rest of my life and any other life granted me after, I cannot help lamenting my lack of companionship. Why was I the one chosen by Fate to suffer this destiny alone? Why did I lose so much and gain so little? That is all I ask of my past; an answer to my question. Why?"

His broken words pierced through the resolve in Helios's heart. He looked away from those sorrowful blue eyes, uncertain if he should speak. The consequences could be too great. And yet, he could not condemn his master to suffer. Placing a strong hand on Mamoru's shoulder, he said, "There is an alternative."

"There is?" The renewing of hope was visible on his face.

"But, I warn you," Helios continued with a raised hand. "It will be far more painful than allowing the memories to return on their own. You will relive every moment; body, soul, and spirit. The strain could kill you."

Helios's warning weighed heavily on his mind. Was he willing to risk his life for these memories? The image of Usagi's eyes, filled with sorrow and confusion and deep hurt floated through his mind. "Nothing could be more painful that this," he whispered.

Helios looked into the Temple and closed his eyes, as if not seeing what would happen next would allow him to deny it. Voice shaking, he said, "Then return the Crystal to the Temple." There, it was done. Breathing deep his fate, Helios continued. "The full moon rises as we speak. At its zenith, the earth's magic will peak, and the Crystal will grant your wish."

Mamoru gazed into the Temple. At the far end stood the pedestal, unmoved even after all these years. At the cost of great pain, he would get his wish. He could take pain. The future King of Earth pushed himself to his feet, his mind firm with resolve. "Thank you, Helios," he said before he stepped forward into memory.

The past and the present began to blur as he…

_...hurried into the Temple. His legs burned from the run; his heart hammered with excitement. "Helios!"_

Helios stood in the doorway, watching him as he approached the pedestal.

_"Quickly, Endymion," the Priest urged. "The horses are ready. We must depart."_

_"Where are we going?" Endymion asked, noticing the Priest's clothing. He was dressed for travel._

_Helios smiled a secretive sort of smile. "You will see. Claim the Crystal."_

_Endymion turned to the pedestal. The Crystal was his now. He could not help the smile that spread across his face at the thought. With shaking hands, he reached forward…_

…to place the Crystal upon the plush pillow cushioning it against the stone. He stepped back and waited, sensing that the moon was nearly reaching its peak. Doubt assailed him. Helios's warning rang in his ears. But he did not back down. He would not.

The moon reached its zenith. A beam of light shot through the roof into the Crystal…

._...and golden light flooded the Temple._

Power surged from his heart through his veins and into his mind. The walls he had built in his mind crashed around him as the power overwhelmed him, releasing the secrets stored within the Golden Crystal these many long years.

_…A Tiger. A Tortuous. A Dragon. And a Phoenix. They bowed to him, and then, as one, they flew away, leaving sparkling trails in their wake. One to the South. One to the North. One to the West. And one to the horizon. The last pulled at his heart the hardest. He knew he needed to follow the Tiger first._

Memory after memory filled his mind, blurring his inner eye, and tearing at his soul. Emotions, thick and raw, raced through his veins. Joy at finding his Shittenou. Fear at possibly losing them upon his return home. And love, so much love, grown through days of endless adventure.

And then, there was despair.

It hit him the hardest, forcing him to his knees. He grasped his head, his chest, his heart as it filled every inch of his being. So much pain…

Despair

_"Jadeite has disappeared!"_

Despair.

_Arrows piercing Kunzite's back. A sword stealing Nephrite's life. Tanzanite dying upon his sister's blade._

Mamoru convulsed as the backlash hit him anew.

Despair.

_Jadeite standing before him, a puppet of Beryl. _

Mamoru howled as the vortex culminated into agony. Agony of the soul. Agony of the body. The power raced through him. He could not breath. He could not see. He could not hear. All he could do was feel. And what he felt was despair.

Helios pushed through the howling whirlwind of power flooding the Temple. He needed to send Mamoru away, quickly, least this destroy him. Only one person could see him through. The Priest of Elysian ducked low against the wind, his lord's howls of pain ripping at his rapidly beating heart. He needed to end this. In one swift motion, he grabbed the Crystal and thrust it into Mamoru's hands. A rush of gold surged through the Temple, taking Mamoru away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Usagi stared at her reflection in the cooling cup of tea. A tear dripped off her nose into the murky liquid, blurring her image. She wiped at her eyes, wishing the tears would stop. She had to be strong. This would turn out all right in the end. They always did. Mamoru would come back to her. They were eternal. Nothing could separate them. Right?

She sniffed against a fresh wave of tears.

A rush of golden power filled the apartment, causing furniture to overturn and pictures to fall. Usagi dropped her tea in shock at the intensity of the familiar magic. Just as quickly as it had appeared, it vanished, leaving an image behind that would be burned into her memory forever.

Mamoru collapsed onto the hardwood floor with an unearthly howl. His mental barriers were down; raw emotion flooded the room, memories surged in the atmosphere, and it all assaulted her as she stared with wide eyed horror at her husband. He was clutching the Golden Crystal to his chest as he sobbed brokenly. Moans of the soul, moans of his voice rang in her ears. Fear held her in place for eternal moments. In the kitchen, she was on the outer edge. Heavy were his emotions on her mind, but they were not consuming. Should she venture near…

He rolled onto his back and arched, a name breaking from his lips, one she never expected him to despair so painfully.

Usagi hurried to his side. Each step she took wracked her with fresh emotions and visions of the past. And with it came clarity. Why he had been so distant. Why he had been so cold. Why…

With a hiccupped sob, she sank to her knees at his head. His eyes—wild with loss—bored into her, begging her to understand what he could not put into words. She leaned down, eyes closing, fingers lacing through his sweaty hair, and pressed her forehead to his. Her tears flowed from her cheeks to mix with his. And together, they mourned the passing of four of the bravest men to ever walk the planet.

AN: And now, turn to "Incomplete" and continue reading. ^_^ Yes, the ending is designed to flow right into "Incomplete." Hope you liked it. Reviews are love.


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